Twas the night before my moving truck was coming to pack us up and move us half way across the country. I received a phone call from my son's guidance counselor alerting me that one of his friends had come forward to let her know my son had a suicide plan and date.
A few months prior to this call, my husband received a notification that my son's email received a bunch of suicide memes. He immediately confronted him, to which he said they were just for humor (since when is suicide the type of humor anyone would want to read). We started probing him more, and alerted his therapist.
Upon further investigation, suicide was mentioned in some texts to his friends and group chats. This whole time, I'm wondering, why aren't these kids speaking up... how come no one is seeking help for my son. I know the high schools have programs to let kids know the warning signs of suicide and to seek help. So, why weren't any of them speaking up?
They are afraid to speak up!!! They don't want to be the bad guy or the non-trustworthy one. They don't think their friend would do it.
Sometimes we, the parents, are afraid to speak up as well. It took me quite some time to be able to tell someone that my son had been talking about suicide (besides his therapist of course). I finally mentioned something to one of his friends' moms. I began to wonder, will she think I'm a bad mom, will she not allow her child to spend time with mine anymore, will she think my child is a misfit?... Then, I said to myself, "self, you're the mom, there's nothing to be embarrassed about and the hardest part of your job right now is to keep this kid alive and get help."
Our kids need to be brave for their friends and for themselves. They need to realize that suicidal speak is a cry for help, it's not ok to hide, and it does not make them a bad friend for speaking up. Having a bad day, a break up, a failed social media post, or feeling bad about yourself in general does not warrant a death wish. It is a tremendous burden to carry, hearing that your friend wants to end their life and worrying what to do about it.
We need to be able to talk about it, for our kids and for ourselves. Recently, I have spoken openly about what my son has been going through and I was completely taken aback by the number of people who have also dealt with similar situations with their own children or even themselves. I have a friend that openly talked with me about being severely depressed to help me better understand where my son was coming from. This has been the hardest year of my life. Sometimes the people standing with a smile on their face have the darkest things going on inside. Take the time to talk and listen to your friends and family. I felt alone and dark for quite some time, until I finally realized I was setting myself in my own bubble. By talking about it, I no longer feel alone and realized how many others need similar support.
This year, my son has had two plans for suicide. The second time around, his friends called me, texted me, and even sent me screen shots of a secret instagram I didn't know about. They learned from the first time around, that I wasn't going to freak out at them and that in fact their voice meant potentially saving a life. As much as I hate social media and my kids' ability to spend way too much time on it, it did give my son an avenue to voice what otherwise may have been kept inside and hidden from me until it was too late.
We all want to think we are doing the right thing and our kids wouldn't think like that. Trust me, I consider myself a professional motivator, I gave up caffeine when I was pregnant, I made my son homemade baby food, I breast fed him, he was reading at age 4, he has many many privileges, we have lived around the world... how could he be depressed. I don't know, but he is and here we are.
Talk to your kids about suicide so they begin to understand their own feelings.
Talk to your kids about suicide so they may be brave enough to save a friend.
Talk to your kids about suicide because if you don't, someone else will and the message may be completely different. With social media these days, there is so much twisted information out there for your kids.. who do you want them to form themselves from, you or complete strangers.
Talk to your kids about suicide so they understand what happens on the other side to all those left behind to pick up the pieces.
Talk to your kids about suicide so they know how to get help if they need it.
Talk to your kids about suicide because you love them.
Talk about suicide because as much as you think you're alone, you're not.
Suicide is now the second leading cause of death among teens in NC. I can tell you one thing, my son isn't going to be a statistic.
