Stop Apologizing

I'm here for what seems like my yearly post.

I'm not going to apologize for not getting in here more often.   Lately, I have felt called to write.

I'm moving soon.  I'm writing 200+ letters, one to every member at the gym I'm leaving.  This is an excerpt from a letter I wrote.  I think it applies to many.

I did not ask you to join the box.  You decided to.

I did not ask you to be a member of this class.  You wanted to.

I did not make you come to class.  You motivated yourself.

I did not ask you to learn olympic lifts.  You hoped to.

I did not ask you to push yourself to your limits.  You decided to.

Don't apologize to me for anything.

You are here because you want to be.

I am happy you are here.

There is no mistake that our paths have crossed.

Your apology is not necessary.

No one walks in the door and knows what they are doing.  That's why we are all here.

Your lift was not perfect.  I know.  (No one's is).  Don't apologize that I had to come fix something.  That is part of my job.

My goal isn't to make you an expert, world class olympic lifter....  My goal is to make you confident, strong, and capable- just like I know you are.

You were put on this Earth with a purpose.  You came in here looking for something.  Find it.

Every time you walk through that door,  you are a little bit better.  My job is to keep making that happen.

Stop apologizing and start growing.  Reach for bigger and better things.

Be unapologetically you!

I Am My Own Motivation

I am my own motivation.

I want to be better, for me, not for you.

Each day when I walk through those doors, gear in hand, ready to work, it's for me, not for you.

I am the one who feels what I feel.

There's a voice in my head, mostly good, sometimes bad.  I am the boss of that voice.  I motivate me.

I am the one that listens to that voice in my head.  I can control it.  I motivate me.

Sometimes I'm angry, I need to clear my head, so I move weight and move a lot.

It's not about the score, the time, the muscles, the status, or look, it's about me being ok with being me.

I want to move really fast for me, it's not to beat you.

If you beat me or even if you don't, you are you and I am me.  What you did, how fast or how many has nothing to do with motivating me.

I may finish first or towards the end.  In the end it doesn't matter, because I know me, I give it my all, and I always finish on top of my own scoreboard when I'm being the best version of me.

I am not the best, I may never be.  But that's ok, because I'm ok being me.

Each day when I walk out those doors, sweaty gear in hand, I know I did work, mostly work on me.  How fast or how many truly doesn't matter because I became better.  Better at being me.

When the clock beeps go and you only focus on you, you will be amazed at the things you can do.

The less you concern yourself with me him or her, the more you will learn to motivate you.

If I leave all sweaty, out of breath, with nothing more left to give, I won.

It's not about me vs. you him or her.  It's me vs. me and you vs. you.

Decide

It is up to you to decide.

It's up to you to decide what your why is.

Sometimes people ask me why I do crossfit. Sometimes people ask me why I train so hard.

I'm not going to lie...occasionally I ask myself why.

There are days things feel like they are never going to come together.

There are days things feel incredibly heavy.

There are days things seem never ending.

There are days when my lungs can't seem to work hard enough.

There are days when I feel like I can barely move.

Why do I want to struggle, why do I want to feel nervous, why do I want to feel out of breath, why do I challenge myself like that?

Why? Because I feel alive.

Why? Because I can.

Why? Because I want to live my life.

Why? Because I feel confident.

Why? Because I feel on top of the world.

Why? Because I can be me.

Why? Because I want to kick ass.

Why? Because I want to be strong.

Why? Because I'm setting an example for my kids.

Why? Because you thought I couldn't.

Why? Because why not?

What is your why.

Ten Seconds

I saw an awesome movie tonight- Race.  It was about Jesse Owens- and I highly recommend it.

Jesse was black and in college during the 1930's when racism was high around the world.  He was asked to take a stand for black people and the jewish people in Germany and not go to the Olympics. He offered this in retort- (sorry not a direct quote because I can't remember it word for word- but it gets the point across).

"for ten seconds, when I'm on the track, it's about fast and slow, it's not about black or white- for ten seconds I'm free"

When I'm doing a wod or out for a run, during those times, it's just about me.

I don't have 10,000 drop offs and pick ups, it doesn't matter that my sink is full of dishes, or that I was just awarded Worst Mom in the World.

I am not concerned that my bathrooms are overdue to be clean.

I don't care about making dinner.

Those black circles under my eyes mean nothing when I have no mirror for them to stare back at me.

I am not 40.

I am not short, tall, or anything- I just am.

When the clock turns on, my mind is free and I just work.  It is my chance to just be me, with no subtitles.

There are no problems and no worries when the clock turns on.

When the clock turns on, all my troubles seem to disappear.

For those five to twenty minutes, it's just about me.

The wod doesn't talk back, it doesn't judge, it doesn't reflect, it doesn't ask for too much, it doesn't leave messes for me to clean up, and it doesn't care- it does what I want it to and it lets me be me.

When the clock turns on, I just work.

Whether it's for ten seconds or twenty minutes, when the clock turns on and the wod starts, I am free.

Find Your People

Find your people.

I'm not talking about people who are the same race, gender, income bracket, career, age, etc.

I'm not talking about people who are necessarily stronger, faster, more skilled, better cooks, professional seamstresses, prettier, or smarter.

I'm talking about people who make you better.

I'm talking about people who are just there to be your people.  There's no competition, there's no comparing, there's just listening, laughing, learning, and companionship.

I hadn't been to church in a while, and I decided it was time to recommit to going every week.  This Sunday the message was about being a part of a circle or a group- because we just need people.  Whenever I leave church, I usually feel inspired to write on here, I end up taking out my phone and jotting down a bunch of notes on my iPhone notes to remember for later.  My mind is literally working in overdrive after I leave church, usually full of ideas of how I can be better.

The message at church always makes me better, the pastor is my people.

About two weeks ago, I met with some friends at crossfit to learn how to knit (yes, I realize, I'm not 70).  It was a skill I had never been taught and I wanted to learn.  Our group consists of ladies in age from 26- over 50- we have a great time and laugh- maybe I'll never knit a perfect scarf, but that group makes me better.  I never feel like I am comparing myself or judging anyone, it is just a time to get together and laugh, learn, and be.

Crossknit is my new people.

Ok, I mentioned it, crossfit... Crossfit people make me better (not all but most)... choose your people. Move around the room and try different classes until you find your people.  The ones who will not judge you when you partially pee your pants during  double unders, the ones who will freak out when you get your first pull up, the ones who could give a care that you are using the trainer bar, or that you moved as slow as molasses, the ones who ask you how your day was- those are your people.

Crossfit has always been my people.

A friend and I took a cooking class together- we are not professional chefs.  We learned some new techniques, ate amazing food, but most importantly we had fun.  We laughed and talked and decided we would try to get together and cook more because we are each other's people.  We left feeling happy and inspired, instead of putting ourselves down that our food would never taste like that.

Friends and family are my people.

Go out and find your people, they are out there in all shapes, colors, sizes, and languages.

You make your own choices and it's up to you who your people are.  Find those people who can make you laugh, who you can be yourself around and who inspire you to be greater.  Those people who when you leave their presence, you still have a smile on your face.  Those people who don't even care that you have cat print leggings on.

Find your people and start living to be you.

You are more

You are more.

You are more than just the number on the scale.  You are body parts that are strong and functional.  You are the muscles recovering and building up from being pushed.  You are unstoppable.  You are a way better, more positive, and poised version of you.

You are more than your score on the whiteboard.  One day, one workout, one lift, these do not define you.  You are more.   You are the sweat you left on the floor that drenched your clothes.  You are the breath that you lost because you were working hard. You are stronger than yesterday. 

You are more than the clothes you wear. You are that extra spring in your step, you are that smile on your face- these are the accessories that make your outfit complete.  You are the muscles and curves that give you shape.

You are more than a mom or a dad.   You are a guiding light, illuminating a path for many eager followers.  You are inspiration.  You are a complete person because you take care of yourself so you can give more to others. 

You are more than just a face in the crowd.  You are confidence and joy.  You are my motivation.  Your movements keep me going too. Your effort inspires me to do more.  Your presence, your voice, they are all part of my experience.  You are more than just another person in the room. 

You are more than the size of your butt or your legs.  You are the person who lifted something they never thought possible.  You are a role model.  You are a friend and uplifter.  The size of your underwear is no measure of the size of your golden heart.  You are the happier mom who can tolerate more.  You are the one driving home feeling on top of the world because of what you can do.

You are more than your fears.  You are the example facing one scary thing then another.  You are the motivator, conquering things left and right.  You are empowered.  You are a life that is worth living.

A number does not define you, your life, the amount of friends you have, or the level of joy you are allowed to experience. 

You are so much more.

The Barbell

Have you ever been in a dark place?

Have you had a bad day and it just keeps getting worse?

Someone’s negativity is seeping in through your veins.

That last bit of patience is being juiced right out of you.

It seems like there’s no way out.  No matter which decision you make, the darkness is still there.

Maybe you’ve had one of these moments, maybe it’s been one of those days, or worse weeks or months.

Go pick up a barbell.

Let me tell you, the metal is like a magnet for bullshit.

You pick it up and throw it down and all of the sudden, you feel a little lighter

Keep picking up the bar.

The pain and suffering you incur from the WOD is temporary, it is nothing compared to that dark place you were in when you opened the door to the box.

Don’t ask me how I feel before the WOD, ask me after.  

You may be physically tired, but mentally, you’re a little more free.  

Break out of that dark place you keep getting trapped in- look for that ray of light.

There is bullshit all around you- do not step in it.  Do not let it seep into your soul.  Do not release it onto others.

Bring it to the box and give it to the bar- that’s what it’s there for- to take away the bullshit, to make you whole again.