Small things

 Last weekend, we took a quick family getaway to the beach before fall schedules take over our lives.

Saturday morning, I saw a man walk off the beach with three large conch shells.  He said he found them right there, and he was out there early.  I wanted to find one too so I spent most of my time that day at the beach searching for shells.  The waves were very rough at the beach due to the incoming storms, so the kids weren't in the water too much.  I invited them to find shells with me- I offered a reward to the person that found the largest in tact shell.

Two of my kids asked me if we could be the first ones on the beach the next morning so we would have a better chance of finding the largest shell.  The low tide was at 4:15 AM, so they asked if we could get up at 5:15 to head out.

The next morning, I got up at 5:30 AM and to my surprise, the kids were up ready to go to the beach. We headed out to the beach, it was so dark and beautiful.  We were the first ones on the beach.  I was so fixated on finding a large shell, I kept flashing my light looking for a big object.  After 45 minutes of searching, all we had found was a hollowed out decrepit skeleton of a small conch shell and many broken tops.

I actually found myself starting to pray to God that we would find a shell-- then I stopped because I felt ridiculous that I would pray to find a shell.  I had built up my kids so much that we would definitely find a shell, since the man the day before had found 3.  I was worried they would get frustrated and want to leave, but I secretly enjoyed spending the time with them and we were having fun.  Then, I remembered that I heard that no prayer is too large or too small for God.  So,  I started my prayer over and asked God to help us find a shell, so they could experience its beauty and see that there is so much life outside of their phones.

By this time, there were four other people on the beach, each heading in directions opposite to where we were.  We were in an area with lots of debris and had searched it pretty heavily.  I finally got frustrated and said "great, those people up ahead are going to find the shells before us."  My son said, "Mom why are you so worried about finding a big one, the chances of finding a small one are just the same as finding a big one...what's wrong with a small one?"

Then, he looked down, and goes "see mom look, don't forget about the small things", and picks up a beautiful small, completely intact conch shell, right next to his foot.  I couldn't believe it.  We had stood in that area searching for several minutes and no sooner do I say my prayer, than this shell should appear.

I do believe God placed this shell at my son's foot.  He wanted me to know he is with him, even in my moments of doubt, even in his moments of doubt and weakness.  He is with us, I just need to trust.

No prayer is too small or too large.

No prayer is too silly.

The outcome of a situation you pray for may not be obvious until later, sometimes a lot later.

Stop focusing so much on big things.

Stop trying to predict outcomes.

Stop trying to think you know what you're supposed to see or hear.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

Stop worrying.

Start living in the moment.

Start enjoying.

Start appreciating all the small things.

Start opening your eyes.

Start seeing everything, because the one thing you think you're supposed to be looking for may be blocking you from the real treasure.

Stop Apologizing

I'm here for what seems like my yearly post.

I'm not going to apologize for not getting in here more often.   Lately, I have felt called to write.

I'm moving soon.  I'm writing 200+ letters, one to every member at the gym I'm leaving.  This is an excerpt from a letter I wrote.  I think it applies to many.

I did not ask you to join the box.  You decided to.

I did not ask you to be a member of this class.  You wanted to.

I did not make you come to class.  You motivated yourself.

I did not ask you to learn olympic lifts.  You hoped to.

I did not ask you to push yourself to your limits.  You decided to.

Don't apologize to me for anything.

You are here because you want to be.

I am happy you are here.

There is no mistake that our paths have crossed.

Your apology is not necessary.

No one walks in the door and knows what they are doing.  That's why we are all here.

Your lift was not perfect.  I know.  (No one's is).  Don't apologize that I had to come fix something.  That is part of my job.

My goal isn't to make you an expert, world class olympic lifter....  My goal is to make you confident, strong, and capable- just like I know you are.

You were put on this Earth with a purpose.  You came in here looking for something.  Find it.

Every time you walk through that door,  you are a little bit better.  My job is to keep making that happen.

Stop apologizing and start growing.  Reach for bigger and better things.

Be unapologetically you!

Vulnerability

No doubt about it, life is hard.  Add kids, house, work, spouse travel, pets, etc into the mix and it's just a wild ride.

A few months ago, my husband left on a Sunday for a work trip to Japan.  In the morning, I let the kids play video games while I got stuff done.  In the afternoon, we went bowling, ate pizza, and went grocery shopping.  In the evening, I hid the video games so they would not cause a distraction while we got ourselves ready for the week.  One of my kids was not having it and lost his ever loving S4!+!!!  He could not understand that it went deeper than me not trusting him to play it, but I needed the assurance it wouldn't be an issue because single parenting five kids and lots of dogs and getting ready for the week is no joke in itself.

The issue presented much worse of a problem, he stepped himself right up on a pedestal and fed me many lines that I care not to ever hear again in my life.  I'm not even sure where he came up with half of it.  At first I did my parenting best to ignore him and not react.  Then, I progressed to taking deep breaths and keeping my composure while I kindly told him over and over again, "dad's away, if it gives me one less thing to worry about, I will put the game away".   What I wanted to do was put a paper bag over my head with a giant smiley face painted on the outside.  After about ten minutes of his rage, during which I was accused of being the most likely cause of him failing out of college, becoming a homeless person with no self control that would probably resort to drinking, something inside of me snapped.

I walked over to the xbox, ripped out all the cords, lifted it up, and dropped it to the ground.  The xbox lost that battle- it shattered into about 99 pieces.  Everyone was scared- except him- the argument wasn't about the xbox so of course the point wasn't received by him, except that I was a lunatic.  He went upstairs to his room where I banished him for the evening or until he could calm down and rationally talk to me.

At this moment, I can say I had never felt so alone in my entire life- it is up there with the darkest moment I have had.  Not only was my husband away, but my family is halfway across the country.  Not many of my close friends have kids the same age as mine, so sometimes it's hard to commiserate.  I began analyzing everything about myself- was I a good parent, if I called a friend- would they think I was crazy, I was not a good role model for anger management since I just broke a 250$ game, of all the 200+ parenting books at the store, not a one could fix this situation... or could they- must get more books, was Dave going to be afraid to leave me home alone with the kids again, how could I have handled this differently...

My other kids were immediately by my side asking if I was ok, reassuring me they didn't use the xbox anyways so they weren't mad I broke it.  I went up after a while and apologized to my son for my rash behavior, but not for hiding the other video game.  I told him he didn't have to understand my decisions but he had better respect them.  Next time, I'll send him to his room right away and let him calm down there.

The reason I am sharing this is because I am real.  I'm not perfect, no one is.  I don't want anyone to think I am either.  Being vulnerable allows me to be real. I hope that it will help other people be real too.  The more real stories I hear, the more OK I am with my choices, actions, and situations I find myself in.

I want my kids to know I struggled so that when they struggle, they are not afraid of it or embarrassed by it.

I make food and desserts that are delicious.

I exercise and keep in shape.

I can sew and take photos.

I am a great friend.

I love my family.

I love my pets.

I am real.

I get mad.  I get pissed off. I swear.

I don't always know how to control my anger around my kids.

I have broken things.

I am a human being that is not perfect.

I am vulnerable.

I Am My Own Motivation

I am my own motivation.

I want to be better, for me, not for you.

Each day when I walk through those doors, gear in hand, ready to work, it's for me, not for you.

I am the one who feels what I feel.

There's a voice in my head, mostly good, sometimes bad.  I am the boss of that voice.  I motivate me.

I am the one that listens to that voice in my head.  I can control it.  I motivate me.

Sometimes I'm angry, I need to clear my head, so I move weight and move a lot.

It's not about the score, the time, the muscles, the status, or look, it's about me being ok with being me.

I want to move really fast for me, it's not to beat you.

If you beat me or even if you don't, you are you and I am me.  What you did, how fast or how many has nothing to do with motivating me.

I may finish first or towards the end.  In the end it doesn't matter, because I know me, I give it my all, and I always finish on top of my own scoreboard when I'm being the best version of me.

I am not the best, I may never be.  But that's ok, because I'm ok being me.

Each day when I walk out those doors, sweaty gear in hand, I know I did work, mostly work on me.  How fast or how many truly doesn't matter because I became better.  Better at being me.

When the clock beeps go and you only focus on you, you will be amazed at the things you can do.

The less you concern yourself with me him or her, the more you will learn to motivate you.

If I leave all sweaty, out of breath, with nothing more left to give, I won.

It's not about me vs. you him or her.  It's me vs. me and you vs. you.

Decide

It is up to you to decide.

It's up to you to decide what your why is.

Sometimes people ask me why I do crossfit. Sometimes people ask me why I train so hard.

I'm not going to lie...occasionally I ask myself why.

There are days things feel like they are never going to come together.

There are days things feel incredibly heavy.

There are days things seem never ending.

There are days when my lungs can't seem to work hard enough.

There are days when I feel like I can barely move.

Why do I want to struggle, why do I want to feel nervous, why do I want to feel out of breath, why do I challenge myself like that?

Why? Because I feel alive.

Why? Because I can.

Why? Because I want to live my life.

Why? Because I feel confident.

Why? Because I feel on top of the world.

Why? Because I can be me.

Why? Because I want to kick ass.

Why? Because I want to be strong.

Why? Because I'm setting an example for my kids.

Why? Because you thought I couldn't.

Why? Because why not?

What is your why.

Ten Seconds

I saw an awesome movie tonight- Race.  It was about Jesse Owens- and I highly recommend it.

Jesse was black and in college during the 1930's when racism was high around the world.  He was asked to take a stand for black people and the jewish people in Germany and not go to the Olympics. He offered this in retort- (sorry not a direct quote because I can't remember it word for word- but it gets the point across).

"for ten seconds, when I'm on the track, it's about fast and slow, it's not about black or white- for ten seconds I'm free"

When I'm doing a wod or out for a run, during those times, it's just about me.

I don't have 10,000 drop offs and pick ups, it doesn't matter that my sink is full of dishes, or that I was just awarded Worst Mom in the World.

I am not concerned that my bathrooms are overdue to be clean.

I don't care about making dinner.

Those black circles under my eyes mean nothing when I have no mirror for them to stare back at me.

I am not 40.

I am not short, tall, or anything- I just am.

When the clock turns on, my mind is free and I just work.  It is my chance to just be me, with no subtitles.

There are no problems and no worries when the clock turns on.

When the clock turns on, all my troubles seem to disappear.

For those five to twenty minutes, it's just about me.

The wod doesn't talk back, it doesn't judge, it doesn't reflect, it doesn't ask for too much, it doesn't leave messes for me to clean up, and it doesn't care- it does what I want it to and it lets me be me.

When the clock turns on, I just work.

Whether it's for ten seconds or twenty minutes, when the clock turns on and the wod starts, I am free.

Find Your People

Find your people.

I'm not talking about people who are the same race, gender, income bracket, career, age, etc.

I'm not talking about people who are necessarily stronger, faster, more skilled, better cooks, professional seamstresses, prettier, or smarter.

I'm talking about people who make you better.

I'm talking about people who are just there to be your people.  There's no competition, there's no comparing, there's just listening, laughing, learning, and companionship.

I hadn't been to church in a while, and I decided it was time to recommit to going every week.  This Sunday the message was about being a part of a circle or a group- because we just need people.  Whenever I leave church, I usually feel inspired to write on here, I end up taking out my phone and jotting down a bunch of notes on my iPhone notes to remember for later.  My mind is literally working in overdrive after I leave church, usually full of ideas of how I can be better.

The message at church always makes me better, the pastor is my people.

About two weeks ago, I met with some friends at crossfit to learn how to knit (yes, I realize, I'm not 70).  It was a skill I had never been taught and I wanted to learn.  Our group consists of ladies in age from 26- over 50- we have a great time and laugh- maybe I'll never knit a perfect scarf, but that group makes me better.  I never feel like I am comparing myself or judging anyone, it is just a time to get together and laugh, learn, and be.

Crossknit is my new people.

Ok, I mentioned it, crossfit... Crossfit people make me better (not all but most)... choose your people. Move around the room and try different classes until you find your people.  The ones who will not judge you when you partially pee your pants during  double unders, the ones who will freak out when you get your first pull up, the ones who could give a care that you are using the trainer bar, or that you moved as slow as molasses, the ones who ask you how your day was- those are your people.

Crossfit has always been my people.

A friend and I took a cooking class together- we are not professional chefs.  We learned some new techniques, ate amazing food, but most importantly we had fun.  We laughed and talked and decided we would try to get together and cook more because we are each other's people.  We left feeling happy and inspired, instead of putting ourselves down that our food would never taste like that.

Friends and family are my people.

Go out and find your people, they are out there in all shapes, colors, sizes, and languages.

You make your own choices and it's up to you who your people are.  Find those people who can make you laugh, who you can be yourself around and who inspire you to be greater.  Those people who when you leave their presence, you still have a smile on your face.  Those people who don't even care that you have cat print leggings on.

Find your people and start living to be you.

To Feel Like a Winner

My son's football team lost every single game this season.  EVERY SINGLE ONE.  The team he was on last year made it to the Super Bowl and lost by one touch down.

Do I see a difference in his attitude at the end of the season this year versus last..absolutely not!

Last year he got about 3 touchdowns per game, this year he had 0 the entire season.  Would it have felt great for him to get one?  Sure... but does he care, NO! (so why should I).

If I were to ask him, "Son, do you feel like a winner or a loser?"- he would say neither.  He did not ask me to sign him up for football to be a winner or a loser.  He signed up to learn how to play, to make friends, and to have fun doing something he loves.

The thing he was the most upset about the season being over was that he won't get to go to practice anymore.  Sure, he can toss a ball in the yard, but you need a team to be on and a team to play against to have a game- win or lose, he just wants to be around others with the same interests.

I've been hearing parents say things about the coaches and about the league- and I'm wondering how many of them are looking in the mirror.  There are three factors involved here with the kids' attitudes and efforts- the kids themselves and what they hold within their hearts, their coaches and how they work with the team, and the parents' and what they say and how they react while their children are on and off the field.

As for the kid:  the kid that loves the sport, win or lose, is going to want to show up day in and day out.  My son freaked out if he wasn't at the field at 430 everyday for a 530 practice.  On days with no practice, he asks to go to the field to throw the ball around.  Everyday, his backpack barely zips because he brings a ball with him.  Whether his team won or lost on the weekend, he was still rearing to go to practice the following Tuesday.

Coaches, it's up to you to learn how to handle each player effectively. Use the right balance of encouragement and discipline.  To learn from mistakes and teach the kids how to get better.  Your words are ringing in their ears out on the field.

Parents:  your kid wants nothing more than to make you proud.  If you place so much emphasis on the team winning or your kid making a fabulous play, they might lose focus and instead of just playing and having fun, they're going to cave under the pressure.  I'm guilty.  I told my son if the team won yesterday I would take him and his friend to the movies.  I'm sure that's why he was crying on the way home- not because they lost, but because he "disappointed" me and now he couldn't go to the movies.  Take a step back and think, who is more upset about the loss, my kid or me...is my kid really into football or am I playing vicariously through them?

I was a competitive athlete growing up, and as an adult I still am.  I do well because I want to, not because anyone bribes me.  My parents did not always come to all of my track meets, but I still did well.  They never asked me to get first place.  They were never upset if our team didn't win meets- they didn't care because I was having fun.  As an adult, my husband does not say "get first in the competition today or don't come home".

If I don't win a competition, I do not blame myself, I do not blame the coaches at my crossfit box, and I do not blame my teammates.  I leave knowing I tried my best and learn what I need to do better for next time.

The glory of a win only lasts for so long.

So, back to the title of this post, "To Feel Like A Winner".

One of our parents said in a fury last night, "to feel like a winner, you have to win.  If you are always losing, you feel like a loser."

It's all about perspective.  In football, there are two teams, one will win and one will lose- inevitable.  Go do a 5K, there are hundreds, sometimes thousands of people, out of them only one wins- yet people keep showing up to these races.  If they all considered themselves losers, since only one of them is going to win, what's the point of showing up.  Who wants to legit make themself feel like a loser?

Here's how you feel like a winner- GET A NEW ATTITUDE!  Train hard, practice things you love with people you love, push yourself, make mistakes, and stop being negative.  Losing is sometimes the best thing that can happen- it builds character, it shows integrity when you come back the next week, and it gives you a clear picture on things you need to improve on.

I got 99 problems and my son's 10U football team winning a game ain't one!!!

You are more

You are more.

You are more than just the number on the scale.  You are body parts that are strong and functional.  You are the muscles recovering and building up from being pushed.  You are unstoppable.  You are a way better, more positive, and poised version of you.

You are more than your score on the whiteboard.  One day, one workout, one lift, these do not define you.  You are more.   You are the sweat you left on the floor that drenched your clothes.  You are the breath that you lost because you were working hard. You are stronger than yesterday. 

You are more than the clothes you wear. You are that extra spring in your step, you are that smile on your face- these are the accessories that make your outfit complete.  You are the muscles and curves that give you shape.

You are more than a mom or a dad.   You are a guiding light, illuminating a path for many eager followers.  You are inspiration.  You are a complete person because you take care of yourself so you can give more to others. 

You are more than just a face in the crowd.  You are confidence and joy.  You are my motivation.  Your movements keep me going too. Your effort inspires me to do more.  Your presence, your voice, they are all part of my experience.  You are more than just another person in the room. 

You are more than the size of your butt or your legs.  You are the person who lifted something they never thought possible.  You are a role model.  You are a friend and uplifter.  The size of your underwear is no measure of the size of your golden heart.  You are the happier mom who can tolerate more.  You are the one driving home feeling on top of the world because of what you can do.

You are more than your fears.  You are the example facing one scary thing then another.  You are the motivator, conquering things left and right.  You are empowered.  You are a life that is worth living.

A number does not define you, your life, the amount of friends you have, or the level of joy you are allowed to experience. 

You are so much more.

Be A Good Person

We always want to be good at stuff.

There are lots of things we are good at.

Being good at stuff is a wave- you are good at different things at different times.

One thing you can be good at all the time is being a good person.

If you just met me, you would not know that I was good at math (when I was in high school and college)- because I'm out of practice now.

If you workout with me at crossfit, you wouldn't know that I'm good at baking or sewing.

My husband used to be good at high jump in high school and college, but meeting him now, would you know?

We find things we enjoy doing and we practice to become good.  But, unless people are around us or joining us in that activity, they don't always recognize that we are good at it.

People can always recognize if you are a good person.

Being a good person follows you all.the.time.

You don't have to forget a skill or feel out of practice to be a good person- the reputation stays with you always.

People may not look back and say "Liz, oh yeah, she was on highest honor roll, but they can look back and say 'she was a good person'".

Be a good person to everyone you meet.  Maybe they all won't receive it well, but those who need it will.

Find lots of things to be good at, practice them- be good.  But don't get so focused on training to be good at stuff that you loose sight of something very important- being a good person.

Hold a door, give a compliment, surprise someone, don't gossip, help out, encourage, use kind words.

Be a good person.  It is something you can be all the time no matter what, no matter why, no matter how, no matter where, no matter when.

What the F#$% situations

I'm just going to be really honest.  My reaction to some situations with my kids is "What the F#$%?"

Sometimes, I find myself in "what the f#$%" situations with my kids where the not-listening and everything that comes with it, seems out of my control.

Let's talk about last night:

It's 10 O'clock and I'm now on the one millionth reminder to two of my sons to take a shower.  The girls have been getting in and out of bed for about 20 minutes and my oldest is trying to play upbeat video game music loudly on his kindle.  I get one boy to the shower, the other one runs away, the girls are out of bed again.  Next thing, both boys are in bathroom and the youngest girl is in the bathroom putting deodorant all over her body.  Then, I walk into my daughters' room to find all their laundry that I had just spent 1.5 hrs putting away, all packed up in suitcases and backpacks.

After 30 minutes of telling them the same things over and over again, with no action, I had found myself in a "what the f#$%" situation.

I just lost it.

I started yelling (maybe screaming)- yes, I know, 10:20 PM, probably not the best idea, but seriously, sometimes the not-listening thing, it just gets to me.

Today, I woke up feeling like the worst mother on the planet.  How could I have handled it better?  How do some mothers always keep a nice, calm even tone- I really want to know.

This morning, while waiting to meet a friend for coffee, I picked up my favorite book and this is what I read:

"Go to that place of peace, even in the midst of turbulence."

Maybe I was so worked up last night, I was the one who needed a time out to get recomposed.

While talking with my friend this morning, I realized, moms need to talk to other moms more often.  Real talk, not like "Jonny got into AT" talk.  But, like "my kids got me so pissed last night, I wanted to smash a glass" talk.

None of us are perfect or super- but we are real.  Can't we just be more real?

From that one hour talk with my friend, I feel renewed and ready to start today over with a fresh perspective.  Trying to deal with situations you've never been in before, or that don't have manuals can be very tricky.  Talking with someone who has been in similar ones or can sort of relate is refreshing.

Next time you find yourself in a "What the f#$%" situation, give yourself a time out.  Go put your head in a paper bag (Carry on Warrior), take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, or schedule a coffee date with a friend who can relate.

Always remember you are not alone and you are not the worst parent in the world!  It takes a village and a whole lot of iron!!!

The Barbell

Have you ever been in a dark place?

Have you had a bad day and it just keeps getting worse?

Someone’s negativity is seeping in through your veins.

That last bit of patience is being juiced right out of you.

It seems like there’s no way out.  No matter which decision you make, the darkness is still there.

Maybe you’ve had one of these moments, maybe it’s been one of those days, or worse weeks or months.

Go pick up a barbell.

Let me tell you, the metal is like a magnet for bullshit.

You pick it up and throw it down and all of the sudden, you feel a little lighter

Keep picking up the bar.

The pain and suffering you incur from the WOD is temporary, it is nothing compared to that dark place you were in when you opened the door to the box.

Don’t ask me how I feel before the WOD, ask me after.  

You may be physically tired, but mentally, you’re a little more free.  

Break out of that dark place you keep getting trapped in- look for that ray of light.

There is bullshit all around you- do not step in it.  Do not let it seep into your soul.  Do not release it onto others.

Bring it to the box and give it to the bar- that’s what it’s there for- to take away the bullshit, to make you whole again.

Encourage Others

Growing up, I absolutely hated writing.  My goal was to get through school with all A's and a few B's.  During my junior year of high school, I got a D in AP English- it shattered me.  Literally cried about it.

Heading into college, I hated writing, I did not want any part of it at all so my plan was to only enroll in math and science classes.  I also thought I was not good at art- my brothers and sisters were very creative, not me.

Suddenly, 15 years later, I have kids and I don't really do a lot of math or science, and I love to do craft projects and I write a blog.  I still do not consider myself a good writer, but I find myself enjoying it more, now that I am not being graded on it.

The things I write about, they just sort of come to me.  I do not make a list and then sit and try to write.

A few years ago, when I moved back to the US from Japan, I started going to a church.  I had a series of migraines and I wasn't very happy about it.  I wrote about it a while ago.  Needless to say, I began to worry, especially when my friend, the pastor told me I was being called to do something great.

Have you ever wondered how you are being called to do something or how God talks to you?  I used to listen at night and wait for specific instructions to fall into my ears.  Well, that isn't really how it happens, at least I don't think so.

I started noticing people in my life and how they guided me to the next things.  He was calling me, by placing me in specific situations with specific people to get me where I am today.  I never thought I'd be writing on a blog to encourage people to be better, but here I am.

Looking back over the last three years and people I've met, some still friends, some have moved on, who have led me down the path I'm on today.

Oftentimes, I think my words aren't powerful enough, especially after I read another blog and I think how articulate it is or how powerful it was.  But, not everyone reads the same blogs I read, not everyone listens to the same people or receives words the same way.

It has been brought to my attention that people look forward to my words and they are being helped, so I'm moving all my motivational posts over to this blog moving forward.  I can't promise to write a lot, I only write when I get inspired by a situation, a phrase, a person, etc.  The words just sort of come to me when I least expect it- nothing is ever forced.

I used to think I'd be like a broken record, writing the same thing over and over again, that someone else has probably written about. But, as a parent, I know how many times over and over again, I remind my kids to brush their teeth, eat at the table, close the door, etc.  Just because we're adults, doesn't need we don't need constant reminders too or we can't benefit from the same message over and over again too.

A few days ago, the Tony Dungy devotional that I read every night ended with the message to encourage others, no matter what, keep encouraging.  So that's what I'm going to do, keep encouraging and I hope you will do the same.  Even if your voice only reaches one person, that is one person that you have sharpened and your mission was accomplished.