To Feel Like a Winner

My son's football team lost every single game this season.  EVERY SINGLE ONE.  The team he was on last year made it to the Super Bowl and lost by one touch down.

Do I see a difference in his attitude at the end of the season this year versus last..absolutely not!

Last year he got about 3 touchdowns per game, this year he had 0 the entire season.  Would it have felt great for him to get one?  Sure... but does he care, NO! (so why should I).

If I were to ask him, "Son, do you feel like a winner or a loser?"- he would say neither.  He did not ask me to sign him up for football to be a winner or a loser.  He signed up to learn how to play, to make friends, and to have fun doing something he loves.

The thing he was the most upset about the season being over was that he won't get to go to practice anymore.  Sure, he can toss a ball in the yard, but you need a team to be on and a team to play against to have a game- win or lose, he just wants to be around others with the same interests.

I've been hearing parents say things about the coaches and about the league- and I'm wondering how many of them are looking in the mirror.  There are three factors involved here with the kids' attitudes and efforts- the kids themselves and what they hold within their hearts, their coaches and how they work with the team, and the parents' and what they say and how they react while their children are on and off the field.

As for the kid:  the kid that loves the sport, win or lose, is going to want to show up day in and day out.  My son freaked out if he wasn't at the field at 430 everyday for a 530 practice.  On days with no practice, he asks to go to the field to throw the ball around.  Everyday, his backpack barely zips because he brings a ball with him.  Whether his team won or lost on the weekend, he was still rearing to go to practice the following Tuesday.

Coaches, it's up to you to learn how to handle each player effectively. Use the right balance of encouragement and discipline.  To learn from mistakes and teach the kids how to get better.  Your words are ringing in their ears out on the field.

Parents:  your kid wants nothing more than to make you proud.  If you place so much emphasis on the team winning or your kid making a fabulous play, they might lose focus and instead of just playing and having fun, they're going to cave under the pressure.  I'm guilty.  I told my son if the team won yesterday I would take him and his friend to the movies.  I'm sure that's why he was crying on the way home- not because they lost, but because he "disappointed" me and now he couldn't go to the movies.  Take a step back and think, who is more upset about the loss, my kid or me...is my kid really into football or am I playing vicariously through them?

I was a competitive athlete growing up, and as an adult I still am.  I do well because I want to, not because anyone bribes me.  My parents did not always come to all of my track meets, but I still did well.  They never asked me to get first place.  They were never upset if our team didn't win meets- they didn't care because I was having fun.  As an adult, my husband does not say "get first in the competition today or don't come home".

If I don't win a competition, I do not blame myself, I do not blame the coaches at my crossfit box, and I do not blame my teammates.  I leave knowing I tried my best and learn what I need to do better for next time.

The glory of a win only lasts for so long.

So, back to the title of this post, "To Feel Like A Winner".

One of our parents said in a fury last night, "to feel like a winner, you have to win.  If you are always losing, you feel like a loser."

It's all about perspective.  In football, there are two teams, one will win and one will lose- inevitable.  Go do a 5K, there are hundreds, sometimes thousands of people, out of them only one wins- yet people keep showing up to these races.  If they all considered themselves losers, since only one of them is going to win, what's the point of showing up.  Who wants to legit make themself feel like a loser?

Here's how you feel like a winner- GET A NEW ATTITUDE!  Train hard, practice things you love with people you love, push yourself, make mistakes, and stop being negative.  Losing is sometimes the best thing that can happen- it builds character, it shows integrity when you come back the next week, and it gives you a clear picture on things you need to improve on.

I got 99 problems and my son's 10U football team winning a game ain't one!!!

You are more

You are more.

You are more than just the number on the scale.  You are body parts that are strong and functional.  You are the muscles recovering and building up from being pushed.  You are unstoppable.  You are a way better, more positive, and poised version of you.

You are more than your score on the whiteboard.  One day, one workout, one lift, these do not define you.  You are more.   You are the sweat you left on the floor that drenched your clothes.  You are the breath that you lost because you were working hard. You are stronger than yesterday. 

You are more than the clothes you wear. You are that extra spring in your step, you are that smile on your face- these are the accessories that make your outfit complete.  You are the muscles and curves that give you shape.

You are more than a mom or a dad.   You are a guiding light, illuminating a path for many eager followers.  You are inspiration.  You are a complete person because you take care of yourself so you can give more to others. 

You are more than just a face in the crowd.  You are confidence and joy.  You are my motivation.  Your movements keep me going too. Your effort inspires me to do more.  Your presence, your voice, they are all part of my experience.  You are more than just another person in the room. 

You are more than the size of your butt or your legs.  You are the person who lifted something they never thought possible.  You are a role model.  You are a friend and uplifter.  The size of your underwear is no measure of the size of your golden heart.  You are the happier mom who can tolerate more.  You are the one driving home feeling on top of the world because of what you can do.

You are more than your fears.  You are the example facing one scary thing then another.  You are the motivator, conquering things left and right.  You are empowered.  You are a life that is worth living.

A number does not define you, your life, the amount of friends you have, or the level of joy you are allowed to experience. 

You are so much more.

Be A Good Person

We always want to be good at stuff.

There are lots of things we are good at.

Being good at stuff is a wave- you are good at different things at different times.

One thing you can be good at all the time is being a good person.

If you just met me, you would not know that I was good at math (when I was in high school and college)- because I'm out of practice now.

If you workout with me at crossfit, you wouldn't know that I'm good at baking or sewing.

My husband used to be good at high jump in high school and college, but meeting him now, would you know?

We find things we enjoy doing and we practice to become good.  But, unless people are around us or joining us in that activity, they don't always recognize that we are good at it.

People can always recognize if you are a good person.

Being a good person follows you all.the.time.

You don't have to forget a skill or feel out of practice to be a good person- the reputation stays with you always.

People may not look back and say "Liz, oh yeah, she was on highest honor roll, but they can look back and say 'she was a good person'".

Be a good person to everyone you meet.  Maybe they all won't receive it well, but those who need it will.

Find lots of things to be good at, practice them- be good.  But don't get so focused on training to be good at stuff that you loose sight of something very important- being a good person.

Hold a door, give a compliment, surprise someone, don't gossip, help out, encourage, use kind words.

Be a good person.  It is something you can be all the time no matter what, no matter why, no matter how, no matter where, no matter when.

What the F#$% situations

I'm just going to be really honest.  My reaction to some situations with my kids is "What the F#$%?"

Sometimes, I find myself in "what the f#$%" situations with my kids where the not-listening and everything that comes with it, seems out of my control.

Let's talk about last night:

It's 10 O'clock and I'm now on the one millionth reminder to two of my sons to take a shower.  The girls have been getting in and out of bed for about 20 minutes and my oldest is trying to play upbeat video game music loudly on his kindle.  I get one boy to the shower, the other one runs away, the girls are out of bed again.  Next thing, both boys are in bathroom and the youngest girl is in the bathroom putting deodorant all over her body.  Then, I walk into my daughters' room to find all their laundry that I had just spent 1.5 hrs putting away, all packed up in suitcases and backpacks.

After 30 minutes of telling them the same things over and over again, with no action, I had found myself in a "what the f#$%" situation.

I just lost it.

I started yelling (maybe screaming)- yes, I know, 10:20 PM, probably not the best idea, but seriously, sometimes the not-listening thing, it just gets to me.

Today, I woke up feeling like the worst mother on the planet.  How could I have handled it better?  How do some mothers always keep a nice, calm even tone- I really want to know.

This morning, while waiting to meet a friend for coffee, I picked up my favorite book and this is what I read:

"Go to that place of peace, even in the midst of turbulence."

Maybe I was so worked up last night, I was the one who needed a time out to get recomposed.

While talking with my friend this morning, I realized, moms need to talk to other moms more often.  Real talk, not like "Jonny got into AT" talk.  But, like "my kids got me so pissed last night, I wanted to smash a glass" talk.

None of us are perfect or super- but we are real.  Can't we just be more real?

From that one hour talk with my friend, I feel renewed and ready to start today over with a fresh perspective.  Trying to deal with situations you've never been in before, or that don't have manuals can be very tricky.  Talking with someone who has been in similar ones or can sort of relate is refreshing.

Next time you find yourself in a "What the f#$%" situation, give yourself a time out.  Go put your head in a paper bag (Carry on Warrior), take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, or schedule a coffee date with a friend who can relate.

Always remember you are not alone and you are not the worst parent in the world!  It takes a village and a whole lot of iron!!!

Unbroken

I don't read a lot of war books, it's never been my thing.  After reading The Lone Survivor, I was very compelled to read Unbroken when the movie came out last year.  (books are way better than movies).

In a nutshell, the book is a true story about a man named Louie Zamperini, during WWII.  Louis was an olympic runner, who enlisted.  He was part of a flight that went down in the Pacific and he and one of his crew mates survived floating in the Pacific on a raft for 46 days.  They kept each other alive by telling stories from their past, and quizzing each other on facts.  Louie started praying to God, and made a promise to devote his life to God if he were able to return home safely.  They made it to land alive, only to fall into the hands of the Japanese.  From there, he was put into many different prison camps for about two years.

Having lived in Japan for almost five years, this story was hard for me.  It painted a very different picture of the Japanese people than what I know.  I got so upset, I had to take days at a time off from reading.  The prisoners at the camps had to endure beatings, starvation, humiliation, slave labor, despicable living conditions, lice, rats, and more.  Throughout it all, Louie remained unbroken.

When the war was finally over and the men were rescued and brought home, the torture didn't end.  Nightmares happened and people were asking them questions, which was a constant reminder of their ordeal.  The person Louie became at home, as a result of his ordeal, was too much, it saddened me so much and I was so upset, that I literally put the book down for over a month.  One day, I picked it back up again and started reading- Louie's wife heard Billy Graham was in town and she wanted to take him.  He finally gave in and went.

When he was listening to Billy Graham, he wanted to leave, and all of the sudden, he heard the following words, "God works miracles one after another... God says If you suffer, I'll give you the grace to go forward."  He was stopped in his tracks and reminded of all he had gone through, and that he had made it through all of it- then he remembered that promise he made to God that day in the raft all those years ago.  He had remained unbroken, but it was because God was right there with him the whole time.

From here, it is incredible the life change that occurs with Louie and how he takes his experiences and turns them into something incredible.  All my anger, angst, sickness about what I had previously read in the book, all that stuff that made me put the book down for a month, were resolved.  I felt uplifted.

"What God asks of men is faith.  His invisibility is the truest test of that faith.  To know who sees him, God makes himself unseen."

This quote in the book spoke to me personally.  It's so easy to say God is not real, especially if something bad is happening to you, but those are the times when you need him the most.  This story encapsulated that perfectly.

Things that happen in my daily life too often have me feeling "why me" or "I can't take it anymore".  Not one thing, not one of them even marginally compares to Louie's ordeal.

Not everything is going to be perfect or go as planned, we have to know that and expect it.  I know when I get in those bad situations, where I feel like I might break down, I need pray to God to provide me with the strength to stay unbroken.

The Barbell

Have you ever been in a dark place?

Have you had a bad day and it just keeps getting worse?

Someone’s negativity is seeping in through your veins.

That last bit of patience is being juiced right out of you.

It seems like there’s no way out.  No matter which decision you make, the darkness is still there.

Maybe you’ve had one of these moments, maybe it’s been one of those days, or worse weeks or months.

Go pick up a barbell.

Let me tell you, the metal is like a magnet for bullshit.

You pick it up and throw it down and all of the sudden, you feel a little lighter

Keep picking up the bar.

The pain and suffering you incur from the WOD is temporary, it is nothing compared to that dark place you were in when you opened the door to the box.

Don’t ask me how I feel before the WOD, ask me after.  

You may be physically tired, but mentally, you’re a little more free.  

Break out of that dark place you keep getting trapped in- look for that ray of light.

There is bullshit all around you- do not step in it.  Do not let it seep into your soul.  Do not release it onto others.

Bring it to the box and give it to the bar- that’s what it’s there for- to take away the bullshit, to make you whole again.

Encourage Others

Growing up, I absolutely hated writing.  My goal was to get through school with all A's and a few B's.  During my junior year of high school, I got a D in AP English- it shattered me.  Literally cried about it.

Heading into college, I hated writing, I did not want any part of it at all so my plan was to only enroll in math and science classes.  I also thought I was not good at art- my brothers and sisters were very creative, not me.

Suddenly, 15 years later, I have kids and I don't really do a lot of math or science, and I love to do craft projects and I write a blog.  I still do not consider myself a good writer, but I find myself enjoying it more, now that I am not being graded on it.

The things I write about, they just sort of come to me.  I do not make a list and then sit and try to write.

A few years ago, when I moved back to the US from Japan, I started going to a church.  I had a series of migraines and I wasn't very happy about it.  I wrote about it a while ago.  Needless to say, I began to worry, especially when my friend, the pastor told me I was being called to do something great.

Have you ever wondered how you are being called to do something or how God talks to you?  I used to listen at night and wait for specific instructions to fall into my ears.  Well, that isn't really how it happens, at least I don't think so.

I started noticing people in my life and how they guided me to the next things.  He was calling me, by placing me in specific situations with specific people to get me where I am today.  I never thought I'd be writing on a blog to encourage people to be better, but here I am.

Looking back over the last three years and people I've met, some still friends, some have moved on, who have led me down the path I'm on today.

Oftentimes, I think my words aren't powerful enough, especially after I read another blog and I think how articulate it is or how powerful it was.  But, not everyone reads the same blogs I read, not everyone listens to the same people or receives words the same way.

It has been brought to my attention that people look forward to my words and they are being helped, so I'm moving all my motivational posts over to this blog moving forward.  I can't promise to write a lot, I only write when I get inspired by a situation, a phrase, a person, etc.  The words just sort of come to me when I least expect it- nothing is ever forced.

I used to think I'd be like a broken record, writing the same thing over and over again, that someone else has probably written about. But, as a parent, I know how many times over and over again, I remind my kids to brush their teeth, eat at the table, close the door, etc.  Just because we're adults, doesn't need we don't need constant reminders too or we can't benefit from the same message over and over again too.

A few days ago, the Tony Dungy devotional that I read every night ended with the message to encourage others, no matter what, keep encouraging.  So that's what I'm going to do, keep encouraging and I hope you will do the same.  Even if your voice only reaches one person, that is one person that you have sharpened and your mission was accomplished.