Decide

It is up to you to decide.

It's up to you to decide what your why is.

Sometimes people ask me why I do crossfit. Sometimes people ask me why I train so hard.

I'm not going to lie...occasionally I ask myself why.

There are days things feel like they are never going to come together.

There are days things feel incredibly heavy.

There are days things seem never ending.

There are days when my lungs can't seem to work hard enough.

There are days when I feel like I can barely move.

Why do I want to struggle, why do I want to feel nervous, why do I want to feel out of breath, why do I challenge myself like that?

Why? Because I feel alive.

Why? Because I can.

Why? Because I want to live my life.

Why? Because I feel confident.

Why? Because I feel on top of the world.

Why? Because I can be me.

Why? Because I want to kick ass.

Why? Because I want to be strong.

Why? Because I'm setting an example for my kids.

Why? Because you thought I couldn't.

Why? Because why not?

What is your why.

Rough Draft

Recently, I came across the analogy that life is like a rough draft.  With each new day, you have a chance to edit what you did the day before.

I think it's important for all of us to realize this.  Each sunrise brings a fresh start- a new page if you will.  A chance to rearrange our outlines, add stuff in, or remove it.

There are days when I am left defeated, and I go to bed with a scroll playing in my head of where I went wrong or how it could have gone differently.  But, I know I can wake up and start over again.

As a mother, especially with my oldest, I am constantly struggling with new situations I find myself in.  I wonder if I could have handled it differently or if only I didn't say that...  The good news is tomorrow I will be more prepared from what I faced today.

As an athlete, sometimes I just have a bad day.  Maybe I missed a lift I got before, or I am struggling to get to a movement I am training to master.  Today is a dry run of what tomorrow will bring.  I can learn from my mistakes, and I am gaining from my attempts.

Sometimes we will do things that cannot be changed.  We cannot undo them, but we can take those situations and turn them into new stories.  We can learn and grow as we were meant to do.

Most of us have plans- we know what we want from life and expect certain things to happen.  Oftentimes life is happening while we are making other plans.  Just when you think you've got it figured out, something comes at you out of left field.  Get out a fresh sheet of paper and start from there.

It's nice to have a plan and be driven.  But we must always have room for the possibility of something else.

Our plans, our hopes, and dreams, they are our rough draft.  We must always have space for living the real story as it unfolds.

We must always be mindful that when we are at our worst, the story is not over.  It is not cause to put the pencil and paper away.  It is more reason than ever to keep going.

Live on the page of today.  Tomorrow is still a rough draft.  Do not live thinking about tomorrow when you still haven't finished today.  

Ten Seconds

I saw an awesome movie tonight- Race.  It was about Jesse Owens- and I highly recommend it.

Jesse was black and in college during the 1930's when racism was high around the world.  He was asked to take a stand for black people and the jewish people in Germany and not go to the Olympics. He offered this in retort- (sorry not a direct quote because I can't remember it word for word- but it gets the point across).

"for ten seconds, when I'm on the track, it's about fast and slow, it's not about black or white- for ten seconds I'm free"

When I'm doing a wod or out for a run, during those times, it's just about me.

I don't have 10,000 drop offs and pick ups, it doesn't matter that my sink is full of dishes, or that I was just awarded Worst Mom in the World.

I am not concerned that my bathrooms are overdue to be clean.

I don't care about making dinner.

Those black circles under my eyes mean nothing when I have no mirror for them to stare back at me.

I am not 40.

I am not short, tall, or anything- I just am.

When the clock turns on, my mind is free and I just work.  It is my chance to just be me, with no subtitles.

There are no problems and no worries when the clock turns on.

When the clock turns on, all my troubles seem to disappear.

For those five to twenty minutes, it's just about me.

The wod doesn't talk back, it doesn't judge, it doesn't reflect, it doesn't ask for too much, it doesn't leave messes for me to clean up, and it doesn't care- it does what I want it to and it lets me be me.

When the clock turns on, I just work.

Whether it's for ten seconds or twenty minutes, when the clock turns on and the wod starts, I am free.

Be A Blessing

Typically I make a detailed list of things I want to accomplish for the year.  This year, I am being more broad and decided I just want to be more of a blessing to others.

My kids are getting a little older (and a tiny bit less needy)- and I feel like I have a little more time now to give to others.  I also want my kids to be involved in this.  I'm not talking about going on a mission trip or even committing to an organization, I'm just talking about being a Plain old blessing.

How am I going to be a blessing?  Well, it's not planned out, it's just going to happen- kind of like a lot of random acts of kindness, except some won't be random.

A few years ago, when I turned 36, I spent my birthday doing 36 Random Acts of Kindness, except they weren't all random because I had to plan them out to make sure I did them, and honestly by the end of the day, I was tired.  I did a lot of good, fun things, but it kind of became a chore to get that number.

Life gets hard and can bring you down sometimes.  There seems to always be some new upsetting story on the news.  There needs to be more good in this world and I plan on doing my part to make that happen.

My goal is to bring a smile to more people's faces.  I cannot say all the ways I can do this, but when I'm in the situation, I will know what to do.

That day I did the 36 acts of kindness, one thing I did-which I plan to do more of, was hung up a sign with slips of paper to tear off, that said "need a smile, take one" and I had my daughter draw smiley faces on it- it still makes me smile to think about it.

Being a blessing can be as simple as saying "hello, how are you today", showing that I care and notice a person.

I plan to write more letters to my grandmother- she's 86 and she lives alone- I know what a blessing it would be for her to receive hand written letters.

Other ideas I have in the back of my mind are delivering dinner to a friend, holding doors, asking more questions, remembering details during a conversation, giving more compliments, writing letters, sending birthday cards, lending a hand, extending an invitation to dinner, sharing good books, making people laugh, and leaving positive quote cards for people who need them to take them.

We are only here for a finite amount of time and I plan to make the most of mine.  This year I want to help others see more light, do more good, and smile more.

Imagine how different life would be if we could all slow down just a little bit and be more of a blessing to others when we see them needing it most.

Find Your People

Find your people.

I'm not talking about people who are the same race, gender, income bracket, career, age, etc.

I'm not talking about people who are necessarily stronger, faster, more skilled, better cooks, professional seamstresses, prettier, or smarter.

I'm talking about people who make you better.

I'm talking about people who are just there to be your people.  There's no competition, there's no comparing, there's just listening, laughing, learning, and companionship.

I hadn't been to church in a while, and I decided it was time to recommit to going every week.  This Sunday the message was about being a part of a circle or a group- because we just need people.  Whenever I leave church, I usually feel inspired to write on here, I end up taking out my phone and jotting down a bunch of notes on my iPhone notes to remember for later.  My mind is literally working in overdrive after I leave church, usually full of ideas of how I can be better.

The message at church always makes me better, the pastor is my people.

About two weeks ago, I met with some friends at crossfit to learn how to knit (yes, I realize, I'm not 70).  It was a skill I had never been taught and I wanted to learn.  Our group consists of ladies in age from 26- over 50- we have a great time and laugh- maybe I'll never knit a perfect scarf, but that group makes me better.  I never feel like I am comparing myself or judging anyone, it is just a time to get together and laugh, learn, and be.

Crossknit is my new people.

Ok, I mentioned it, crossfit... Crossfit people make me better (not all but most)... choose your people. Move around the room and try different classes until you find your people.  The ones who will not judge you when you partially pee your pants during  double unders, the ones who will freak out when you get your first pull up, the ones who could give a care that you are using the trainer bar, or that you moved as slow as molasses, the ones who ask you how your day was- those are your people.

Crossfit has always been my people.

A friend and I took a cooking class together- we are not professional chefs.  We learned some new techniques, ate amazing food, but most importantly we had fun.  We laughed and talked and decided we would try to get together and cook more because we are each other's people.  We left feeling happy and inspired, instead of putting ourselves down that our food would never taste like that.

Friends and family are my people.

Go out and find your people, they are out there in all shapes, colors, sizes, and languages.

You make your own choices and it's up to you who your people are.  Find those people who can make you laugh, who you can be yourself around and who inspire you to be greater.  Those people who when you leave their presence, you still have a smile on your face.  Those people who don't even care that you have cat print leggings on.

Find your people and start living to be you.