My son's football team lost every single game this season. EVERY SINGLE ONE. The team he was on last year made it to the Super Bowl and lost by one touch down.
Do I see a difference in his attitude at the end of the season this year versus last..absolutely not!
Last year he got about 3 touchdowns per game, this year he had 0 the entire season. Would it have felt great for him to get one? Sure... but does he care, NO! (so why should I).
If I were to ask him, "Son, do you feel like a winner or a loser?"- he would say neither. He did not ask me to sign him up for football to be a winner or a loser. He signed up to learn how to play, to make friends, and to have fun doing something he loves.
The thing he was the most upset about the season being over was that he won't get to go to practice anymore. Sure, he can toss a ball in the yard, but you need a team to be on and a team to play against to have a game- win or lose, he just wants to be around others with the same interests.
I've been hearing parents say things about the coaches and about the league- and I'm wondering how many of them are looking in the mirror. There are three factors involved here with the kids' attitudes and efforts- the kids themselves and what they hold within their hearts, their coaches and how they work with the team, and the parents' and what they say and how they react while their children are on and off the field.
As for the kid: the kid that loves the sport, win or lose, is going to want to show up day in and day out. My son freaked out if he wasn't at the field at 430 everyday for a 530 practice. On days with no practice, he asks to go to the field to throw the ball around. Everyday, his backpack barely zips because he brings a ball with him. Whether his team won or lost on the weekend, he was still rearing to go to practice the following Tuesday.
Coaches, it's up to you to learn how to handle each player effectively. Use the right balance of encouragement and discipline. To learn from mistakes and teach the kids how to get better. Your words are ringing in their ears out on the field.
Parents: your kid wants nothing more than to make you proud. If you place so much emphasis on the team winning or your kid making a fabulous play, they might lose focus and instead of just playing and having fun, they're going to cave under the pressure. I'm guilty. I told my son if the team won yesterday I would take him and his friend to the movies. I'm sure that's why he was crying on the way home- not because they lost, but because he "disappointed" me and now he couldn't go to the movies. Take a step back and think, who is more upset about the loss, my kid or me...is my kid really into football or am I playing vicariously through them?
I was a competitive athlete growing up, and as an adult I still am. I do well because I want to, not because anyone bribes me. My parents did not always come to all of my track meets, but I still did well. They never asked me to get first place. They were never upset if our team didn't win meets- they didn't care because I was having fun. As an adult, my husband does not say "get first in the competition today or don't come home".
If I don't win a competition, I do not blame myself, I do not blame the coaches at my crossfit box, and I do not blame my teammates. I leave knowing I tried my best and learn what I need to do better for next time.
The glory of a win only lasts for so long.
So, back to the title of this post, "To Feel Like A Winner".
One of our parents said in a fury last night, "to feel like a winner, you have to win. If you are always losing, you feel like a loser."
It's all about perspective. In football, there are two teams, one will win and one will lose- inevitable. Go do a 5K, there are hundreds, sometimes thousands of people, out of them only one wins- yet people keep showing up to these races. If they all considered themselves losers, since only one of them is going to win, what's the point of showing up. Who wants to legit make themself feel like a loser?
Here's how you feel like a winner- GET A NEW ATTITUDE! Train hard, practice things you love with people you love, push yourself, make mistakes, and stop being negative. Losing is sometimes the best thing that can happen- it builds character, it shows integrity when you come back the next week, and it gives you a clear picture on things you need to improve on.
I got 99 problems and my son's 10U football team winning a game ain't one!!!
